Sunday, October 02, 2011

Farm Fresh

It was nearly 30 degrees yesterday, so we sought refuge in the shade of Wilderness Wood. Like the ferns in this picture, I don't thrive in direct sunlight.

On the way back, I stopped in a farm shop (as the food in Waitrose just isn't expensive enough) and was surprised to find it completely deserted. I walked around the wooden floor with heavy, giant steps, but nobody came. Then I tried slamming down the freezer lids more vigorously than usual, but still nothing.

Minutes later, a ruddy-faced man came stumbling out of a door at the back of the shop and greeted me:

"Haven't been waiting long, have you sir? Found what you want? Or perhaps what your wife wants. Mind you, the wives don't know what we get up to when we're on our own, do they?"

He gave a half wink that reminded me of a rather unpleasant uncle I once had.

I smiled and nodded knowingly , thinking "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about". Did he mean that, that or that?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.


Martin said...

Our local farm shop is usually awash with thin lipped ladies in Hunter Wellies and 'designer' gilets. I wonder how they'd respond to your ruddy-faced man?

Steerforth said...

I can guess.

lucy joy said...

You don't want to know the thoughts this post left me with.
I was recently asked if I'd like a battery for the large squash I purchased at the greengrocers. I couldn't even muster a pretend smile.
Is the awful phrase 'food porn' starting to become part of everyday life?

Kid said...

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Steerforth said...

A battery?! Whatever happened to innuendo and sauce? At least the Carry On team would say something like "Having a quiet night in are we madam?"

Kid - I'm glad that you have no idea about the thing I have no idea about. I don't think we'd like the answer.

keshling said...

For some reason this story has conjured up a mental image of Fred West.....

K xx

Chris Matarazzo said...

People like this man are quite kind, really. They immediately -- with saint-like altruism -- relieve others of the burden of formulating a coherent thought. If I were you, I would go back and thank the selfless devil . . . but he probably wouldn't let you.

David said...

It makes me think of the Local Shop for Local People in the league of Gentlemen.