Star Trek - The HR Perspective

I watched an episode of Star Trek yesterday, for the first time in years. The episode was called 'The Immunity Syndrome'. I have fond memories of the programme from the 1970s, when I would have a bath in the evening before changing into my Star Trek pyjamas, exclusive to buyers of Kellogg's Sugar Smacks.

Sadly, the programme wasn't as exciting as I remember and I spotted a number of things which, frankly, gave me cause for concern. There were several health and safety violations, an alarmingly high number of incidences of sexual harrassment and a performance issue that needs to be raised at an appraisal.

I will be raising the following points with the Starship Enterprise's HR manager:

1. A Poor Ergonomic Working Environment:

Mr Spock's 'What the Butler Saw' machine, where he looks at science and tells the Captain what is happening, is a health hazard. The many hours spent in a stooping posture will produce chronic back problems and may necessitate sick leave, leading to early retirement.

I also noticed several tripping hazards. A health and safety review is urgently needed.

2. Disabled Access:

With its steps and barriers, there is no provision for disabled employees on the Bridge. If Captain Pike decided to pay a visit, he would have to remain in the lift.

I would recommend introducing ramps and conduct a Disability Compliance Check throughout the whole ship.

3. Sexual Harrassment

A number of instances of sexual harrassment were noted. This is a particular concern, given that most of the sexual remarks originated from Captain Kirk himself. I would recommend instigating disciplinary action for Kirk, with a compulsory attendance at a workshop on Star Base 12.

I would also suggest that standard, genderless uniforms should replace the current division between trousers for men and short dresses for women.

4. Sexism in the Workplace:

 

During this conference on how to save the galaxy, the female member of staff remained silent. None of the male members of staff asked her for an opinion and only made eye contact with each other.

I would recommend attendance at a Workplace Sexism Awareness course for all male officers and ensure that a helpline number is displayed on every staff noticeboard.

5. Substance Abuse:

A constant use of amphetamines was observed, sanctioned by the Chief Medical Officer. These are controlled Class B drugs and it is well documented that regular use can cause psychotic behaviour.

I would recommend revoking the doctor's licence to practise and sending Captain Kirk to a substance abuse clinic.

6. Poor Discipline.

The Chief Engineer's attitude to authority is a major cause for concern.

During routine requests for more power from the engines, his response is always negative and possessive. There is also a tendency to anthropomorphise the engines, referring to them as 'she'. I would recommend a written warning, accompanied by a requirement for compulsory counselling.

7. Inadequate Equipment:

I am particularly concerned by the Shuttle Craft, which is continually running out of power. Poor equipment has a corrosive effect on staff morale. Staff should be provided with equipment which is fully maintained and subject to a regular MOT inspection.

I would suggest the introduction of daily compliance checks, to ensure that the Shuttle Craft is always fully charged and in possession of more than half an hour's life support.

I hope that my suggestions will be acted on. I don't want to have to take this up with the United Federation of Planets.