tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post3838470261035980475..comments2024-03-13T07:34:24.149+00:00Comments on The Age of Uncertainty: MovedSteerforthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-67082543217637380462011-07-28T17:15:29.150+00:002011-07-28T17:15:29.150+00:00I missed this while on holiday. What a week... I&#...I missed this while on holiday. What a week... I'm lost for words. I hope your Mum is happy in her new place. Also that you your son's diagnosis helps him get the help he needs. Best of luck.Sam Jordisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11847113158131387947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-50119858571696583852011-07-21T14:57:45.053+00:002011-07-21T14:57:45.053+00:00Thank you Spacezilla and Gaskella. You've show...Thank you Spacezilla and Gaskella. You've shown me (and Lucille, it would seem), what a force for good blogging can be. I've found the comments here humbling, moving and extremely touching.<br /><br />I'm grateful to everyone who has posted a comment.Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-27453914737377698912011-07-20T21:34:34.996+00:002011-07-20T21:34:34.996+00:00Thanks for the reply, Steerforth, and blimey, you ...Thanks for the reply, Steerforth, and blimey, you must stop apologising! I really appreciate you taking the time to be so helpful; you've given me several things to think about or bear in mind when we go, which I'm sure will be useful - especially if I think we're being fobbed off or misled. <br /><br />Again, many thanks, and I hope all goes well for you and your family.<br /><br />PeterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-17002104739978306012011-07-20T21:18:06.533+00:002011-07-20T21:18:06.533+00:00Steerforth, I think this was one of your best post...Steerforth, I think this was one of your best posts ever. Your writing delivered so much of the joys, apprehensions and surprises one experiences in life. Those who have had to do the parents house clear-out and move appreciate how honestly and fully you captured this time. All the best to your Mum too!Spacezillahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13945486583095907917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-24010646408208518872011-07-20T08:46:30.987+00:002011-07-20T08:46:30.987+00:00Steerforth, we all love whatever you write about -...Steerforth, we all love whatever you write about - it's the way you put it whatever the subject, and having had the courage to share your problems with us, know that you can turn to your blog friends for support too.<br /><br />I hope that now your Mum is settled in her new flat, and that you start to have a path forward with your son, that you will find some time to relax. Take care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-31199021263201245532011-07-19T21:28:15.267+00:002011-07-19T21:28:15.267+00:00I'm so glad to hear that your mother's mov...I'm so glad to hear that your mother's move although traumatic in the arranging, has had a happy outcome. A view of the downs is a pretty special bonus. I keep a heavy lid on large chunks of my non-bloggable life, but admire the way you have broached the subject of personal difficulties with such sensitivity. Maybe you have shown other people that they can trust to the kindness of strangers too.Lucillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414527658216916537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-14278024463286378932011-07-19T17:49:59.250+00:002011-07-19T17:49:59.250+00:00Peter - yes, we're still using CAMHS, as the p...Peter - yes, we're still using CAMHS, as the person we're dealing with now is very good.<br /><br />During the last five years we've met six people. Two were awful, another two were okay but ultimately ineffectual, and two were very good.<br /><br />One of the best people was the most qualified; the other was the least qualified.<br /><br />The two worst people were highly opionated. One accused us of trying to medicalise our son when he was suffering from simple sibling rivalry. Her advice: just leave it alone and it will go away. <br /><br />It didn't.<br /><br />With another person, I compared living with my son to accounts I'd read of domestic violence. I made it very clear that I wasn't likening the two things <i>per se</i>, only in terms of the emotional reaction: waking up in the morning, not knowing what mood the other person was going to be in and trying to avoid a confrontation (there have been days when I've done all the right things only to find my son kicking a hole in the wall later on). She was incredibly hostile to this observation and added, dismissively, "Oh yeah, a lot of parents have made that comparison".<br /><br />Well, perhaps that implies that there was some substance to my remark.<br /><br />My other concern is that CAMHS tended to have a narrow outlook. My son was assessed for Asperger's. They decided that he didn't have it (which I think was right), but rather than look for an answer to why he often behaved as if he was on the spectrum, simply closed the case and we found ourselves back at the beginning. We had to go through hell before anyone started to listen.<br /><br />A friend of ours used to work for CAMHS and found the experience very frustrating. She felt that there was an obsession with not medicalising children and instead, focusing on the parents. That's all well and good if children are suffering from abuse or dysfunctional parenting, but not very helpful if it <i>is</i> a medical condition.<br /><br />I don't know what your predicament is, but my advice would be to trust your gut feeling - you know your child. I deferred to the professionals because I trusted them, but in the end my gut feeling of eight years ago was confirmed by a psychiatrist.<br /><br />That leads me to my next point. If you think it's a medical problem, try and see a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist. I wish that I'd appreciated the difference five years ago.<br /><br />I realise that there are budgetry constraints and that CAMHS must see some really dreadful cases, so in the great scheme of things my so wasn't so bad. What bothered me was their attitude towards us. For example, they arranged a classroom observation when we'd already said that my son was usually well-behaved outside the home.<br /><br />Sorry for this long, rambling reply. To get to the point, if the answer you get doesn't feel right, don't give up. If there's a problem, it's their job to find a solution.Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-51399849884229817572011-07-19T15:01:50.274+00:002011-07-19T15:01:50.274+00:00Sorry to read about your son's troubles, I hop...Sorry to read about your son's troubles, I hope he gets the help he needs.<br /><br />Will he continue to use CAMHS? I'm about to do so myself (with, and for, my son) and am slightly dubious now that I've read about your experience with them.<br /><br />Peter (a different one!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-56191274701365226812011-07-19T11:56:14.475+00:002011-07-19T11:56:14.475+00:00Thanks Junie.Thanks Junie.Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-64324296681705498392011-07-19T01:11:36.200+00:002011-07-19T01:11:36.200+00:00No need to apologize for the content of your blog-...No need to apologize for the content of your blog--it is, after all, your blog.<br /><br />In any case, it's hardly self-indulgent for you to use your bit of cyber-space to mention major life concerns--the health and well-being of your mother and your son.<br /><br />It's not the Victoriana or weird book covers or even you-know-who's diaries that make your blog worth reading. It's what you make of these things, the POV you bring to them. That's going to be present regardless of the subject matter.<br /><br />My best to you and your family.Junienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-8225020640129374022011-07-18T20:18:14.928+00:002011-07-18T20:18:14.928+00:00Mike - I've tried to explain blogging to my mo...Mike - I've tried to explain blogging to my mother, but she just switches off. However, if it wasn't for the recommendation of a fellow blogger - Laura - she probably wouldn't be there now.<br /><br />It bodes well that your mother has been there for such a long time (my mother met a woman yesterday who'd been there 18 years). What a contrast to old people's homes.<br /><br />Rosie is very good, although my mum could have done without being roped in to attending a lecture on the Spanish Civil War. She'd never heard of it (even though she was alive at the time!) and said it was "very boring".<br /><br />I'll tell her to look out for someone called Joyce. Her name's Barbara.<br /><br />Thank you Pinky. I've avoided writing such a personal post for ages and I really appreciate the sympathetic response from people like yourself. I really do feel as if a burden has been eased. I know that souns corny, but that's how I feel. <br /><br />Why? Perhaps because of that phrase I used earlier: the kindness of strangers - like-minded, sympathetic people who have nothing to gain from posting a comment, but are simply motivated by empathy and a generosity of spirit. <br /><br />It beats the Lewes Forum!Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-61311607187501085692011-07-18T19:48:32.513+00:002011-07-18T19:48:32.513+00:00Yes indeed! A good choice - my mother has been ver...Yes indeed! A good choice - my mother has been very happy there these past 15 years or so. She's called Joyce, should your mother want to say hello, though quite how they explain the connection to each other I'm not sure...MikePhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08589363260977274335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-16172709148019698592011-07-18T19:42:36.414+00:002011-07-18T19:42:36.414+00:00Not that it hasn't already been said, but I wa...Not that it hasn't already been said, but I wanted to say - please don't apologise for what you have written. I enjoy reading your blog because you bring insight and an interesting perspective to the things you write about. It is your style as much as the content that draws me back, especially the feeling your writing gives that you share things that mean something to you. That is the case whether you are writing about what thoughts victorian photos spark for you or the things you are dealing with in your personal life. Once again (and I mean this utterly wholeheartedly), thank you for sharing.<br /><br />I am really glad you found writing this blog post cathartic, it sounds like you have had a huge amount on your plate and have been coping admirably well. Give yourself a break! ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-80928054599173118912011-07-18T19:33:34.653+00:002011-07-18T19:33:34.653+00:00Kid - I like that anecdote - I know just what they...Kid - I like that anecdote - I know just what they meant about the house.<br /><br />Laura - I'm not sure if people of my mother's age are more sanguine, but the generation below - people in their 60s - do seem a lot moanier and self-pitying (and scruffier - old men should wear ties and hats!). She survived the Blitz, being beaten by her father and years of poverty, so these days she feels like a child in a sweetshop. <br /><br />Thank you Chickadee - your comments are always appreciated.<br /><br />Cat - I haven't changed ;) Yes, my mother now wishes she'd done it a long time ago. Sheltered Accommodation/Assisted Living seems to be the perfect solution, allowing people to retain their independence and dignity without the humiliation of the full extent of their vulnerability. I've put my name down for 35 years' time.<br /><br />MikeP - Yes, I think it is. St Thomas' Court?Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-83721867796602535352011-07-18T15:43:24.063+00:002011-07-18T15:43:24.063+00:00I have nothing to add to what everybody else has s...I have nothing to add to what everybody else has said. I simply wonder if your mother is in the same block in Lewes that mine is, near the brewery?MikePhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08589363260977274335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-83409098255277505122011-07-18T12:00:21.753+00:002011-07-18T12:00:21.753+00:00You were an adorable little boy.
I'm awfully ...You were an adorable little boy.<br /><br />I'm awfully glad the move went well; you can never predict.<br /><br />A few years ago my grandmother had a neighbor lady who had great trouble walking and lived in a three-story house that needed loads of work. Her children finally moved her into assisted living, very much against her wishes. <br /><br />When they went to check on her the next week, she was still mad at them, but for not doing it sooner. She loved having her meals cooked and having so many people around to play cards and watch movies with and talk to.Cathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09559564041324931602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-3553927472338560102011-07-17T23:59:06.870+00:002011-07-17T23:59:06.870+00:00Whatever you want to write about, it's always ...Whatever you want to write about, it's always interesting and thoughtful. And for what it's worth from another stranger on the internet, all the best with your son! Perhaps don't be reading any depressing John Christopher's for now, though.JRSMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04430775461763521797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-41183288807230301382011-07-17T22:25:14.628+00:002011-07-17T22:25:14.628+00:00Oh Steerforth, blessings to you and yours! I'...Oh Steerforth, blessings to you and yours! I'm glad that your mother's move to the new flat went fairly smoothly, in spite of the (non)help of Peter the Moving Man. (Or, since he doesn't seem to have been up to much, should I call him "Peter the Standing Man?")<br /><br />Also blessings and sympathy in dealing with your son's new diagnosis. Hopefully things will go more smoothly now that you have a name for the problem. Sometimes knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle...<br /><br />In the meantime, hugs to you and your family, and feel free to write whatever you wish. I always enjoy reading your posts.<br /><br />Take care and God bless, Canadian ChickadeeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-45508431032432951732011-07-17T22:20:50.559+00:002011-07-17T22:20:50.559+00:00Ah the good old Napoleon mantle clock - pride of p...Ah the good old Napoleon mantle clock - pride of place on the new windowsill - I like it!<br /><br />Delighted to hear your mum is settling into St Thomas' so beautifully and quickly, despite the lack of notice and the dodgy movers. I suppose her generation who survived the war were a little less sentimental than ours and just accepted and got on with things when it came down to it. I hope she goes from strength to strength in her new abode.<br /><br />Re your older son, I am sorry to hear his diagnosis sounds somewhat serious and how he has suffered through not having one (not to mention you and Mrs Steerforth, by outrageously being accused of being the problem!), but at least he is still only 11, so hopefully there is plenty of time for corrective action to take place. And at least both you his parents and he have a name for it now and know for sure that is is no one's fault, just one of those things.The Poet Laura-eatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07779308486569849157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-41711447579026629442011-07-17T21:46:50.103+00:002011-07-17T21:46:50.103+00:00A very moving post, and one I can relate to. That ...A very moving post, and one I can relate to. That bit about saying goodbye to the house was very touching. I once read a book containing the letters between C. S. Lewis and one of his friends. One of their mutual childhood friends had died some time before, but, over the years, whenever they were back home, they had both continued (either together or individually) to visit their late friend's parents at the house he had lived in while still alive. On eventually hearing that the parents had either moved or expired (it's been over 30 years since I read it - excuse my memory), his friend expressed his feelings in a letter thus: "Oh, Jack (C. S. Lewis), never to see the house again!"<br /><br />The house, you see, represented so much of ther shared past that no longer having access to it and the memories it conjured up whenever they visited was as painful as any bereavement.<br /><br />Should you feel the same, remember that you can visit the house and your room again, in memory, whenever you want to.Kidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07224781868125924337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-34871669006116818142011-07-17T15:36:49.114+00:002011-07-17T15:36:49.114+00:00Thank you very much Anonymous - much appreciated.
...Thank you very much Anonymous - much appreciated.<br /><br />LUCEWOMAN - I've read your comment and, as requested, didn't publish it. I hope that you manage to find an answer. There's nothing worse than not knowing (apart from, sometimes, knowing).Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-45456981511549404362011-07-17T15:21:08.606+00:002011-07-17T15:21:08.606+00:00You may write about amusing finds, but your nicene...You may write about amusing finds, but your niceness tends to show through -- I guess a selection from photographs and books is always "personal" and revealing of character. Yours comes over as someone we want to spend time with.<br /><br />Best wishes for your mother and your son, and for you and your wife who are entitled to some consideration too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-88195803611097070972011-07-17T14:54:56.070+00:002011-07-17T14:54:56.070+00:00Thank you Genius and Richmonde.
zmkc - That is ab...Thank you Genius and Richmonde.<br /><br />zmkc - That is absolutely true, and my son's predicament has cast a long shadow. Ten years ago I envisaged a very different future.<br /><br />Howevever, it's not all bad. During the last six months I have gone from complete desperation to cautious (and tempered) optimism. <br /><br />We are getting a lot more help and I hope that worst is over (possibly a dangerous thing to say, given that my son will be a teenage in 15 months!).Steerforthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07627936539372313828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-26796168935991014782011-07-17T13:32:36.303+00:002011-07-17T13:32:36.303+00:00I hope all will be resolved for your son before to...I hope all will be resolved for your son before too long. I've been wondering since you mentioned his problems at school. Someone on the radio the other day mentioned that you are only as happy as your least happy child, which I think is, miserably, true.zmkchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08972549292961948240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32570460.post-75513228699189809642011-07-17T12:13:29.180+00:002011-07-17T12:13:29.180+00:00Dear Mr [[[Steerforth]]] - what they said! Especia...Dear Mr [[[Steerforth]]] - what they said! Especially Mr Meisel.Lucy R. Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08632983296994349550noreply@blogger.com