'Dad, can you help me with my homework? We've got to pick a planet, learn something about it and then do a talk to the whole class.'
'Okay. What planet do you think you'd like to do?'
'Um...how about Saturn or Jupiter?'
'No, I definitely want to do Uranus.'
'I just want to.'
'But it's a very boring planet. Not as boring as Mercury, but there are more exciting ones you could choose.'
'No! I want to do Uranus!'
Sigh. 'Okay, we'll do it. But there's just one thing. It's pronounced Uranus.'
'No it isn't. It's Uranus and that's how I'm going to say it.'
At this point I patiently explained that since Voyager 2 visited Uranus in 1986, the pronunciation of the name has been a matter of contention because...well...
I was tempted to stop there, but the image of my son being laughed at for his unwitting double entendre was too awful.
'Anus is another word for bottom hole, so you see, if you said Uranus, it would sound like...'
'Hey! I'm going to tell everyone in the class that my dad says Uranus is Planet Butthole! Ha ha! Brilliant!'
The talk is on Friday. I'm not looking forward to the next parents' evening.